No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
