Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
