So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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