No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
