I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
