i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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