No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
