I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
