her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
