The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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