Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Michael Bay diarrhea
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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