im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
