I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
