He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
