You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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