I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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