Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
wow bdsm is so cute
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He has the fingertips of a God
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