Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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