last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
