been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
