He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
