There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
