Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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