He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
