he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
