drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
