I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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