ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
