It's like God shit irony all over that family
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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