she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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