Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
