If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
