why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
