tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
