he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Randomize
