I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
