Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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