i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
