I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
