fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
