she looked like the before picture.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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