return my video game
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
