My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
