so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
