So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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