Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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