I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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