the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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