It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
