i don't like sucking hair
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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