Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
