Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
